Whether they admit it or not, kids and teens really look towards their parents and other adults in their lives for role models. They may look elsewhere for fashion and music advice, but families hold more sway over their behaviors and beliefs than they realize. Even though it often feels as if they don't listen, they do. And they watch.
Let's get the hard part of the discussion out of the way. Often, parents excuse poor academics without realizing what they are doing. Phrases like, "I didn't do well in school either," "I don't see why you have to know this,""You're never going to use this," or saying things that paint schools and teachers as the bad guys harm student performance. When you excuse a student's poor performance because you didn't do well, you increase the likelihood they won't do well. It can make them feel that they don't need to try and that no one expects them to do well, or thinks they CAN do well. When you "put down" school work by saying it has no use in the real world, again, it excuses poor performance. Poor performance is never excusable. One might argue different aspects of school, but most students that are successful in high school are successful after high school Students need pushed to reach their potential. Doing this makes them more likely to be successful. This also helps teachers know who needs help, as opposed to who just isn't doing work. Finally, not all teachers and schools are bad. It is unfortunate that you or your child had a bad experience, but it is unfair to generalize that to all teachers. Most become teachers because they enjoy children and want to shape the future. Their methods might be different than yours, but their job is different than yours. When your student sees you talk about or to teachers disrespectfully, they feel it is ok to do the same. This should be reserved for when they are not present. This is hard. But parenting is hard and I don't have to tell you that:) Sometimes we say things based on our emotions and forget to think of how our kids are going to use that information. I have yet to get to the years of my son using what I say against me, but I know they are coming.
Ok, now for something a bit easier. Good reading skills will help you in almost everything that you do. So a big part of that is to actually read. One of the best ways to get kids to read is to model it. I try to read with students several times a week. It helps if you do it, too. With older kids this can be family reading time- everybody read something. It can be a book, newspaper, or a magazine. Make it something everyone can look forward to and make sure they know you are looking forward to the time you guys spend together reading. For younger children, this can be time that you read to them. You can also talk to them about what you have read or something that you want to read. If they see reading is something that you value enough to spend your time on (and not just require that they do), they are more likely to see it as worthwhile.
Is what I'm asking you to do easy? No, it requires time and really monitoring what you are saying and how they might interpret it. And you won't be perfect at it. I frequently have to remind myself to start watching the conversations I have around my son. Sometimes I choose dishes over reading a book with him. But, because these things are important to me, I work hard on making time and saying what he NEEDS to hear. Together, we can model some of what your child needs to be successful.
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